APRIL 15th, 2017
By JOHN LILIES & LANA CARBON
APRIL 15th, 2017
By JOHN LILIES & LANA CARBON
APRIL 8th, 2017
By JOHN LILIES
I’ve been talking to Lana recently about my dreams.
For a long time, I’ve been experiencing something within my dreams that leaves me unsettled even when I reflect on the feeling.
After having the experience again last night and talking about it with Lana today, I mentioned that I feel like I could really use some help and insight into what this occurrence might be. So, we decided the best thing would be for me to write about it and ask our friends to connect with us and provide us with your serious and thoughtful opinions.
This is a more serious article than what we would typically write so please don’t be surprised by the lack of joking around. I really do feel somewhat plagued by what I am about to describe.
Perhaps about 10 years ago or so, I started noticing that every once in a while I would wake up from my dreams and realize that I hadn’t been alone in them. When I say “every once in a while” I mean every night for a few nights, or a couple of times a week, or once a week for a few weeks, and then nothing for a while. Sometimes it’s a dream within a deep and sound sleep, sometimes it’s during a restless and fitful sleep, and sometimes it’s during a bit of a daydream or even being in a trance-like state during meditation. It doesn’t always have to be a bad dream, either. Often it happens in a normal and boring or wonderfully happy and exciting dream.
Essentially, at some point in my dream I will become aware that someone is with me – some sort of presence. I say “presence” because it isn’t really another person. I am aware that I am dreaming and I am aware that someone else is with me watching my dream play out. They aren’t a part of my dream.
My dream always continues on as it was, but I am acutely aware that I am watching my dream and that someone else is watching it with me. It doesn’t feel good but it doesn’t feel like a horrible presence either. Not mean but not friendly. The more aware of it that I become, the more uncomfortable I become and the stronger that presence feels. It’s as though it’s an energy feeding off of my discomfort and fear. I am increasingly aware that I am watching my own dream take place in front of me while working hard to understand what this presence is, why it is there, and if I should really be afraid. The more aware I become, the more awake I become, and eventually I wake up completely.
Many times, when I wake up, I can still feel the presence with me for a while… sometimes a few seconds, sometimes a few minutes, and sometimes an hour or more. It never makes me feel anything but uncomfortable, even thinking back on it. That energy feels thick and heavy – different from anxiety. It’s like a heaviness on my chest that makes me have to work harder to breathe but again, not like anxiety or even fear. It’s a different feeling.
This is not sleep paralysis – sadly I have experienced that before. In these specific dreams, I can wake up and am immediately aware of my surroundings and am conscious.
What I cannot figure out is 1) is this other presence actually me – am I somehow aware of myself in the dream in a different manner? Can my consciousness essentially split like that? Or 2) is this an external energy that is, for whatever reason, visiting to hang out with me?
Or… is there another option?
Sometimes, mostly when I think back on it, I can almost see a face attached to the presence/energy… and it isn’t a comforting face. I don’t know if that’s just my brain trying to give it an identity though, or if it is actually an image that I am seeing from this energy. I feel like it may just be my brain trying to make sense of what I’m feeling.
Adjacent to this, when I’m in a semi-sleep state, I often see shadows or figures rising within my ‘dreams’ or partially aware/partially asleep state. These sometimes do have faces and often don’t. Again… is this my brain or my consciousness creating these figures or are these actually something else? It happens quite a bit actually – if I wake up in the middle of the night and have a hard time going back to sleep, I eventually realize that I am falling asleep but these figures are rising within the sleepy images or dreams that I’m having… so I wake up again. I have to work hard to switch my thinking and imagery to something else and it usually takes a while for those figures/energies to disappear (or for me to stop noticing them and just go to sleep).
So… what are your thoughts? I am open to all honest and thoughtful theories. Is this my imagination going wild on me? Is this something weird happening within my own consciousness as a result of anxiety, fear, and stress? Or, is there another explanation?
Please reach out and private message us – those of you who know us well and those of you who don’t… I just keep wondering what this is and I feel like I won’t be able to put an end to it until I understand it, but am at a loss as to what it really could be.
Thank you dear friends, as always.