Twas the Night Before Christmas
by Brother Carbon (2016)
Twas the night before Christmas, December twenty-four.
We were all nice and warm behind the insulated door.
We sat around the fire bringing in the Christmas cheer,
John and I with our Bailey’s, my brother with his beer.
We decided to call it a goodnight,
With visions of tomorrow being such a delight.
I normally do sleep in the nude,But at my brother’s,
I thought it might be rude.
There was a slight problem with the bed not my own,
There I was still awake, my body lying prone.
John was there snoring and I thought I should not awake,
So out of bed I got, and a snack I thought I’d make.
Passing the window, it looked kind of bright.
It couldn’t have come from a single streetlight.
The light it was a shade of red,
And it seemed to be coming from overhead.
A plane couldn’t be causing this reddish glow.
I had to investigate, so outside I must go.
I had to hurry before the light fades,
But I had to look cool…I needed my shades.
The light seemed to be getting redder.
The glasses might have been a mistake; I did a header.
Laying on my back there in the snow,
Up on the roof, I saw what caused the glow.
I was unable to move, for a few seconds I froze.
And there it was, a reindeer with a shiny red nose.
It was the lead reindeer pulling the sled,
And holding the reins was a man dressed in red.
Behind him sat this big red sack.
He hefted up and threw it over his back.
His coat had some stripes that looked like white fur.
He was out of the sled and down the chimney in a blur.
Lying there on the ground, it seemed kind of weird,
Watching this old guy with a long white beard.
Back to my feet and into the house,
I had to protect our possessions from this louse.
I went into my Hulk Hogan pose,
As I intended to punch him right in the nose.
But I could barely make it up the stairs.
I should have done my exercises, ate my vitamins, and said my prayers.
I thought John would be so proud of me.
There was the guy, over by the Christmas tree!
I really intended to deal with him because I was upset,
But standing so close, he didn’t seem like much of a threat.
As I watched, he took a present out of his bag.
I couldn’t believe the name on the tag.
“Lana” was wrote there for all to see.
I couldn’t believe this was a present for me.
It was obvious he had done this before,
As he went about his giving chore.
What happened next, I couldn’t believe my eyes,
As up the fireplace he began to rise.
By the time I managed to get back to the door,
The sled and the reindeer were on the roof no more.
He yelled to me, “Lana, I hate to say this to your face,
But next year Krampus will be coming in my place!”
Standing there, I just wanted to scream.
I hoped this night was just a dream.
My future Christmas might not be the best,
But I hope it is a merry one for all of the rest.
[Lana] Brother Carbon claims this will be the last Christmas we spend together because he doesn’t want Krampus anywhere near his place… little does he know I’m printing out the Google map directions!
[John] It was incredibly entertaining being witness to the creative process of this remix being born. I always love watching and listening to Brother Carbon and Lana goofing around and coming up with their rhymes. This was no different, as Lana reacted to each line that Brother Carbon thought up. I wish I’d been able to videotape the entire endeavour. (Yep… I aged myself there and I’m okay with it.)
Well, now that we’ve shared with you the Carbon Remix, perhaps we should have a review of the original story so that you can be left with those words dancing through your head tonight.
Twas the Night Before Christmas
by Clement Clarke Moore (1822)
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”
[John] Well folks, that’s it for us today. We hope that you have a splendid time, regardless of the holiday you may or may not be celebrating. We know the holidays can be a difficult time for many and so we truly hope you are able to make your days great ones and create memories to cherish.
We deeply appreciate the support and encouragement you provide us on an ongoing basis. Thank you for being a part of the Carbon Lilies world! You make it a special place for us. Merry Christmas to all!
